


My Beautiful Flame

by tumble4rpdr



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:22:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22368658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tumble4rpdr/pseuds/tumble4rpdr
Summary: “While Brock is enjoying his vacation much more than he expected, relishing the warmth of the sun’s rays and his friends’ companionship, he can’t help but feel a tinge of disappointment. He can’t stop himself from thinking of a man with a voice too loud for his soft nature and a heart too big for his small frame, and what this trip would’ve been like with him by his side. His caption appeared to be guided by his own concealed longing and the new appeal of Jose’s gentle and dreamy relationship ideas; though none of the thousands of likes Brock was diligently watching had yet to be from the one person he wanted to like him the most.”While in Puerto Vallarta, Brock starts to miss Jose and needs a friend to give him unexpected advice on how to get him back.
Relationships: Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo
Comments: 4
Kudos: 36





	My Beautiful Flame

**Author's Note:**

> I’m back with another one-shot once again inspired by recent B and V goings on. This fic is a little different for me as it mostly focuses on Brock’s perspective and I included Seth for the first time (and tried to balance out how I feel about him and his ridiculousness with his friendship with B). Thank you to anyone who reads and comments on this and I hope you all enjoy💜

Brock’s fingers itch to press the call button, drawn to his number like a moth to the light. He knows Jose would answer, he almost always does when he makes the effort to call instead of text. Jose’s rough voice and boisterous laugh would envelope him, just like his arms once did, and make him feel warm and calm and safe, filling Brock with the sense of comfort and affection that only Jose’s presence can.

He assumes Jose has seen his post from a few days ago, the one with a too truthful caption revealing his desire for a gorgeous wedding and genuine love, no matter how out of reach those ideas seem. Though not his original intent, Brock expected his honesty to draw some response from the man. The more Brock rereads what he had typed, the more he realizes how his views have changed and how enticing what Jose was after now seems.

While Brock is enjoying his vacation much more than he expected, relishing the warmth of the sun’s rays and his friends’ companionship, he can’t help but feel a tinge of disappointment. He can’t stop himself from thinking of a man with a voice too loud for his soft nature and a heart too big for his small frame, and what this trip would’ve been like with him by his side. His caption appeared to be guided by his own concealed longing and the new appeal of Jose’s gentle and dreamy relationship ideas; though none of the thousands of likes Brock was diligently watching had yet to be from the one person he wanted to like him the most.

His hand continues to hover over the number, Jose’s name still adorned with the emojis placed there when they first got together, when they first fell in love. Brock refuses to remove them, just as his heart refuses to release its steadfast grip on Jose. Now though, the glancing eyes seem to be hiding something deceitful, their orange heart stained with ridicule and reminding Brock of all that he has lost.

Brock regrettably moves his hand from his phone to harshly wipe away the mist clouding his vision. He reasons that Jose’s probably too busy right now, and reminds himself that Jose is no longer his. He instead swipes down his contact list to another name, a friend with a big smile and a love for animals who he knows will lead to nothing romantic or flirtatious or sexual, the perfect distraction.

———

Seth arrives with friends, just like Brock wants and expects. He greets Brock with a hug and kisses against the air as his cheek touches his, and Brock once again remembers how lucky he is that Seth is nothing like Jose, that _no one else_ is like Jose. Jose, whose cheek would only reach his collarbone or maybe the edge of his neck when he took him in his arms, but the softness of his skin lingered any place it grazed and made Brock’s body feel like it was wrapped in satin sheets. Jose, who perpetually smelled of intense, spicy cologne and whose embrace was always strong and steadying.

Though nothing like Jose’s, Seth’s hold is gentle and welcoming and Brock is reminded why he called him. They spend the day together doing things they both enjoy, playing with animals and having adventures. Brock laughs at the way Seth’s eyes light up at what he calls _the most handsome plant he’s ever seen_ , and comically rolls his eyes at Seth’s ludicrous request to take a naked selfie inside the animal sanctuary.

He can forget temporarily, the sweet innocence of tiny monkeys making his heart melt, the exhilarating rush of zip lining allowing his anxiety to be masked by the fear and excitement of flying hundreds of feet above the jungle. While laying in his hotel bed that night, Brock tries to focus on his day full of tropical breezes and light-hearted laughter, of amicable teasing and bright grins. But with the fun long over and the darkness of his room suffocating him with its grasp and the coldness of his empty bed so contrasting to the Mexico heat, Brock finds his heart still hungry and his body once again craving the remedy of Jose’s company.

———

His gig the next night is a beautiful relief. Brock’s mesmerized by the love and excitement of the crowd just as much as they’re captivated by Brooke, and it feels like no amount of longing or worry can break the spell. The show ends and Brock moves backstage to touch up his makeup and wait for the start of the meet and greet. He peeks from behind the curtain and proudly sees a long line snaking it’s way through the theater. He eyes Seth, once again there to support him, inconspicuously waiting in line for a picture. Brock smiles at how polite and how very Canadian he is and couldn’t imagine Jose ever waiting patiently for the chance to see Brooke Lynn.

If Jose was here, he’d be kind and considerate with all of Brooke’s fans, most of them likely fans of Vanjie as well, but still respectfully push ahead to get to him. He’d congratulate Brock on a fantastic show while possessively resting his hand on his sweaty muscular back. He’d smile a cute, sly smile for the picture, pulling Brock even closer towards him. Jose would whisper in his ear what he wanted Brock to do to him in their room later, just to see his cheeks color through his blush, before demurely kissing his cheek and leaving him eager and slightly distracted for the rest of the line.

Brock lets out a strained breath as he’s drawn out of his imaginings by Steve letting him know that they’re ready to start. He closes his eyes and lightly shakes his head, trying to rid his mind of stubborn fictitious thoughts of Jose, instead focusing on the people just beyond the curtain whose appreciation and enthusiasm he doesn’t have to make up.

———

Seth had left with people after the meet and greet, offering to wait for Brock so that he could join them, but he declined. Brock took longer than usual to de-drag and then hung around the venue, wanting to bask in the satisfaction of putting on a great show and the affection of fans who had been their to encourage him. It’s now late into the night and Brock is back in his hotel room alone, sitting up on his couch as sleep evades him once again no matter how tired he feels. An unexpected, insistent knock on his door pulls Brock from his drowsy haze as he gets up to see who brought themselves to his room.

Brock opens the door to find Seth standing before him, smelling faintly of alcohol but still sporting his friendly smile, though Brock thinks that it might appear somewhat smaller and more sorrowful than usual.

“Can I come in?” Seth asks softly.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” Brock says slightly confused as he steps aside and allows Seth to make his way into the room and onto the couch.

“Great show tonight,” Seth begins admiringly. “You didn’t tell me about all those on stage costume changes and then when you started talking to the crowd? It was so good, Brock.”

“Thank you,” Brock replies smugly as he sits down next to him. “You releasing your inner fanboy now?”

“Well we _all_ know I’m the number one Brooke Lynn Hytes stan,” Seth answers with a laugh.

“I don’t know about number one. I can’t think of a few people more obsessed with me than you,” Brock jokes with a smirk. His mind suddenly starts to recall various instances showing off Jose’s love and devotion, causing Brock’s smile to falter.

“You’re really missing him aren’t you?” Seth questions.

“What? Who?” Brock counters.

“Vanjie,” Seth replies. “Sorry, Jose. You’ve been thinking about him, haven’t you?”

“I, um, I mean, I guess,” Brock stumbles.

“Please,” Seth begins. “I’ve been seeing you get that sparkle in your eyes and a sappy grin on your face, even if it’s only there for a moment before you and your nerves push it away. And as much as I wish it was, I know that look isn’t for me. You miss him.”

Brock sighs, “You’re right. I _know_ you’re right. And Steve’s right and the fans are right. But there’s only a day or so left here and then I’ll be busy and won’t have to think about things and feel this way anymore.”

“You could always contact him you know. Something tells me he wouldn’t be opposed to that,” Seth replies with a knowing smirk.

“I couldn’t do that,” Brock starts, his head hanging, eyes cast downward. “We agreed, or more like _I_ agreed, to give us some space. He deserves to be his own person and not always be tied down with Branjie, or with me.”

“Bullshit,” Seth retorts. “Take it from from someone who was at your Branjie show, space is the _last_ thing either of you want, no matter what you might’ve said.”

“Don’t do that,” Brock argues. “You saw us together _once_. You don’t know Jose and what our relationship was like or how I made him feel.”

“That might be true, and I had to buy tickets for that interaction, _thank you very much_ ,” Seth replies sarcastically though it’s clear he feels no real malice. “And you’re right, I can’t speak for Jose since I don’t know him but I know _you_ and I’m friends with _you_ so I think I can at least talk about that. You are never more silly and stupid-” Brock’s face starts to fall as he takes his words as an insult, but Seth continues. “And carefree and _happy_ than when you’re with him. Take it from someone who was back and forth with their ex for longer than they’re proud of,” Seth responds genuinely. “It doesn’t matter how many cute animal videos I send you or that you’re on vacation with plenty of hot shirtless guys, you’re always going to come back to Jose. And if he means as much to you as I think he does, then it’s up to you to do something about it.”

“Like what?” Brock asks quietly.

“I can’t make that decision for you,” Seth answers as he makes his way towards the door. “Just trust yourself. And maybe formally introduce me to him when you guys get back together. Hopefully that’ll stop all the Branjie hate I get,” he ends with a grin as he closes the door behind him.

After Seth leaves, Brock finds his way into bed but his mind is a flurry of racing thoughts keeping him awake. He thinks about how he used to be able to talk to Jose about anything and how he knew they could make it through it all. Even when they had the dreaded conversation and decided that their relationship would end, they were both left heartbroken but they had a shared understanding that made it just the slightest bit okay. They agreed being friends would be better, so they could both have what they wanted and care for each other without so much pressure and expectations. Only now does Brock recognize that they’re not friends, they never were and never could be. The way he feels about Jose is nothing like the way he feels about Seth or even like the way he feels about Steve.

To Brock, Jose is like an eternal flame that can be seen and felt for miles. No matter where Jose is, the mere thought of him or the sound of his voice is enough to illuminate the darkness of Brock’s mind and thaw the anxiousness and uncertainty off his heart. Their decision appears to be meaningless, since even as friends the powerful fire Jose had ignited in his chest continues to blaze, only now the burn is harsher and only seems to scald him. Brock realizes that there has always been more to their relationship and that’s what makes Brock miss him more and love him more and need to be with him more than anyone else. Brock finally falls asleep with memories of Jose in his head except this time he refuses to shake them off.

———

Since leaving Puerto Vallarta, Brock has been thinking about the best way to take Seth’s advice and finally reach out to Jose. As he gets closer to home, he scrolls through Instagram and sees a picture that Jose had posted only a few hours ago. It’s Jose, as Vanjie, looking every bit as fierce and confident as he knows she can. She looks gorgeous, and reading the caption fills Brock with even more indescribable pride as Jose is getting the chance to work with one of his biggest idols and truly live his dreams.

Brock thinks she looks beautiful and wants to tell her so, no longer able to hold his feelings back. Recalling a similar comment he’d left on one of her pictures all too long ago, Brock likes the picture and comments **Beautiful** **❤️** , using a red heart in an effort to keep their fans from talking and to try not to get ahead of himself.

After clutching his phone for longer than he should have, Brock starts to unpack from his trip. He’s attempting to keep his worries at bay and to distract himself from all the possible ways Jose could respond or worse, if he doesn’t respond at all. Brock tries to silence his pessimistic nature and instead tries to praise himself for actually contacting Jose directly.

While loading his clothes into the wash, he finally sees that Jose responded. He immediately pulls up the reply to see a brief **thankkk you!!!** in response. Brock puts his phone down on top of the washing machine and lets disappointment wash over him like a cold shower. He’s more discouraged than he thought and he feels angry at Jose but mostly angry at himself. He’s embarrassed at how high his expectations were and ashamed for thinking that such a simple comment could fix things and get them back to where they were. He should have done more, or listened to his doubts and not have done anything at all, instead he’s stuck with even more ambiguity and and doesn’t know where to go from here.

Just as Brock is starting to spiral, he hears his phone buzz. He almost doesn’t want to look at it but he knows he’ll have to eventually. There, on his lock screen is a short text from Jose asking **Can I call you?** **🧡** Relief hits Brock instantly, even with just a simple question. Brock can tell Jose’s not upset with him and sees so much promise in those four little words. What really strikes Brock is that Jose was considerate enough to include an orange heart, which he is certain was done to ease Brock’s anxiety.

Brock opens the text and hastily replies **Yes** **🧡** , including an orange heart of his own in an effort to soothe Jose, knowing that when it comes to Brock and their relationship, Jose has more worries than he’d ever admit.

Almost as soon as Brock hits send, he gets a FaceTime call from Jose and he can’t help but beam, his chest already overflowing with affection and hope. He answers to see Jose giving him a captivating grin as he moves to smooth down his hair.

“Hey boo,” Jose greets him tenderly, his eyes sparkling and expectant, his smile never wavering.

“Hi big guy,” Brock fondly replies as he looks at Jose, _his Jose_ , with eyes almost as bright as his smile.


End file.
